January 2012
Lush
Stopped by Lush today at the KOP mall and the sales lady was the best. I went in for shampoo and came out with so many free samples including two bath balls! Fine, she did convince me to buy conditioner too but FREE SAMPLES guys! And i def just took a bath with one of the bath bombs and a face mask she gave me.
In holy shit news
My mom and Bob talked this week. I had a rough week and Bob was trying to get ahold of me not knowing that she had my phone. She responded bc she claims he seemed worried. She said he was very nice and she didn’t realize how much he still cared about me. She let me see the conversation and it was sweet. She let him know he was always welcome at my house and that her and my dad both...
Douchy things my trainer says
-Get involved (He says this 483209483 times a work out)
-Hey Magoons (that is an awful nickname idiot)
-Hey do me a favor… don’t waste my time (while im dripping sweat)
- i’m the best in the business (If you were the best you wouldn’t need to broadcast it fyi)
Have you ever had a bad feeling that you just can’t shake?
“People get lost thinking of happiness as a destination.”
– (via holleewoodworld)
“Here’s what I’m learning from Pinterest. Girls like food, clothes,...”
– A guy’ s view of Pinterest
Gym problem
I don’t like my trainer. His personality is annoying and makes me stabby. I have two sessions left in my package and I want to re-sign but not with him. To make things worse, I work at the gym so this could be awkward.
Also, I love how girls, myself included, label “girls night” isn’t every night your out with your girl friends girls night? Do you think guys are like “come on guys lets have a guys night next weekend”
Maybe I'm a killjoy
But do you need to bring your baby to girl’s night? A bunch of 25 year old girls and a 3 month old baby? That doesn’t sound fun.
“Oh yeahhh cheese wrap yeahhhh”
– The 4 year old channeling her inner Pauly D… I swear I dont let her watch Jersey Shore
Wasting my time
I will never understand why it’s okay for doctors to not run on time. Keeping people in a waiting room for an hour is ridiculous.
My children are going to be fat
My coping mechanism is to feed the kids. Instead of handling things like an adult I just give the kids food. File under: things to work on before I have kids of my own. Examples:
-crying? Here have a cookie
-the boy you like doesn’t like you? I’ll make you cupcakes
-fell off your bike? Brownies
Priorities
I am only going to the gym today because my power is out for scheduled maintenance and I need to charge my phone.
Last night I talked to an ex about my job struggles and how i feel like a failure. We went back and forth and he told me that he has battled with bouts of depression as well. Not liking the city he is in anymore, hating his job etc. I was surprised since to me he is perfect, has the perfect life etc and I told him as much. His response was “that’s funny, because to me you’re...
This morning I set up the 4 year old on a DVD game called Whack a Mole. I go upstairs to make breakfast come back down and see her smacking the tv- and it's wobbling.
Me: Oh my god Lauren what are you doing?!
L: I'm whacking the mole
Me: No! You do it with the remote you don't hit the tv!
L: Yes you do I played this last year!!! (smacks the tv)SEE!
Me: no! You're going to break the tv!
L: No im not.(keeps smacking the tv)
Me: That's it games over.
"Put a bowtie on me and some glasses on me and...
austin-translation:
Gary as Brad is perfection.
Rational
Me: Why didn't you tell me you had a threesome in high school?
Bob: What are you talking about?
Me: C had one in high school, you guys are best friends that means you had one too.
Bob: Ha no it doesn't. I told you when I lost my virginity.
Me: Well if I find out you did with one of those slutty mcslut sluts in my grade you're in big trouble.
Bob: ha okay okay
Me: P.S where were you in high school? I knew C but I had no idea you existed.
Bob: Girls ignored me in high school.
Me: But ive seen pics you were sooo cute and little.
Bob: Ha go away.
* I used to hook up with C in hs and my sister went to prom with Bob's brother yet I didn't meet him until I was 22.
Monday Morning Boo
I woke up with one earring in. Where did the other earring go?!!?
During the week my best friend asked if I wanted to get brunch with her on Sunday at her country club. I said sure and kind of forgot about it. Yesterday morning I was still in bed and let it go to vmail when she called. She left a message saying that it wasn’t going to be just her and I anymore but her parents, fiancé and aunt were going too. Thanks but no thanks. So I text her and let her...
Need space
Me: Want to go down to the basement and watch the game?
C: What game?
Me: I don't know whatever game is on.
C: You want to watch sports?
Me: No, I'm gonna watch tv in my room but why don't you go watch tv somewhere else
C: Are you trying to get rid of me?
Me: Just for a little. I like my alone time. How about you go watch a movie and we can hang out again around 10?
C: You are the craziest girl i've ever met.
Me: I get that a lot. Go see whats in the downstairs bar, make yourself a drink then go get cozy in the tv room!
C: And i'll see you at 10?
Me: Give or take a couple minutes. Have fun.
“The beauty of things must be that they end.”
– Jack Kerouac, Tristessa (via honeyforthehomeless)
Me: What should we eat for dunch?
C: What the hell is dunch?
Me: dinner + lunch
C: We can't have both?
Me: It's already 3 we can't have both.
C: Fine, I want pizza and wings.
Me: I'm on a diet.
C: diets don't exist on weekends
Funny Facebook Status of the day
Almost fishtailed into a highway wall in this nonsense, thank God I played tons of Mario Kart as a kid and know how to adjust when my hoopty gets hit by a banana peel.
Wait..What? Heidi Klum filing for divorce →
Called out of work, laying on the couch watching No Strings Attached while C makes omelets. Best snow day ever?
“And don’t worry about losing. If it is right, it happens—The main thing is not...”
– Advice of John Steinbeck to his son in love.
Letters of Note: Nothing good gets away
(via taylorlorenz)
Me: Does that mean you've been promoted?
Bob: No it was a lateral move.
Me: Don't they know you are going to be CEO by the time you're 35?
Bob: Haha oh yea a big bank executive and a book publisher. We were gonna take over Manhattan.
Me: a girl can still dream right?
Bob: Dont worry we'll figure it out.
Do you ever send someone a text and regret it so you delete it and pretend like that means the person didn’t get it?
“Have you ever heard a song from so long ago with so many memories tied to it...”
– Unknown (via momentswithlove)
50 Uses For Vaseline →
Some of my favs
1. Put a coat on your eyelashes before you go to bed. Lots of people swear by this - and say it will make your lashes grow longer and thicker over time.
6. Use Vaseline as lip gloss
47. Put Vaseline on your lips, leave it a few minutes, then scrub your lips with a toothbrush to exfoliate and leave them SO smooth
Is it just me
or does a guy grocery shopping rank right up there with guys that play with kids?
“If you can’t let go, you can’t put your heart back in your chest.”
– I Wrote This For You: The View From The Hospital (via kari-shma)
Nanny fail
I just said “son of a bitch@ with the four year old in the car
Me: Don't be offended but I don't have your number anymore
Bob: Why not?
Me: Because my contacts got deleted.
Bob: I memorized your number years ago
Me: I had it memorized but i haven't used it in awhile... anyways.. um are you giving it to me?
Bob: Are you asking me for my number?
Me: Well gosh, i've never asked a boy for his number before. Shucks... can I get your number... can i have it?
Bob: You are so weird.
fights with dad
Last night my dad and I got in a fight and I let him know I would not speak to him until he apologized. This morning he said good morning to me and got the cold shoulder. Then about an hour ago he texted me.
Dad: Love you.
Me: Is this your way of apologizing?
Dad: Is this yours?
Me: No, I'm not apologizing for my reaction to your unnecessary outburst.
Dad: What about your reaction to my simple question asking if you knew why the video was not working. You bit my head off.
Me: Bc you kept asking me the same question after i kept telling you i didn't know.
30 mins later
Me: I'm still not apologizing but did you see that Jamie Moyer signed with the rockies?
Dad: I'm not apologizing either but yes I did see that.